I am a literature student and I have tears of laughter in my eyes
"Oh, to be toilet paper, that I might touch that cheek."
#The Tragic Tale of Bumeo and Juliass (via dammitjim-imthedoctor)
"Do you wipe your bum at us, sir?"
"No, sir, I do not wipe my bum at you, sir, but I wipe my bum, sir."